I have a new life strategy.

I’ve been rather overwhelmed lately by a neverending morass of tiny things, both good and bad, that are battling for space in my life, my mind, and my schedule, including (but not limited to):

My parent’s upcoming move. (Not tiny, but it definitely tops the list.)

School shopping.

Paid writing projects I should really be getting too.

My children’s perpetually sticky faces.

Health care reform.

A car that needs a new battery.

Unpaid writing projects I should really be getting too.

The fact that I will be home maybe (maybe!) two weekends between now and the end of Spetember.

Brett Favre joining the Vikings. (Okay, so I couldn’t care less about that, but it seems I’m the only one!)

Two music gigs needing to be pulled together.

Paper work.

Dental appointments.

More paperwork.

Vet appointments.

Did I mention school shopping?

And the list goes on. And on. And on.

So my new strategy? I am going to take a hint from that book I reviewed, outdo my Mennonite forebearers and become Amish. Yep, that’s right. I’m chucking the computer and the cars, sending my entire wardrobe to the Salvation Army, and burning all my books except the Bible and a couple milktoast classics. I am going to wear broadcloth dresses and bake bread, get nice and plump from eating lots of meat and dairy products, and spend my leisure time making quilts and apple struedel. No more agonizing over ambiguous issues–I am going to let someone else tell me what to wear, what to do, what to think, etc. And if that someone else happens to be wrong, well, I was just being faithful, right?

No? *sigh* Well, I guess that won’t work after all. And since I’m a little too Mennonite to join the military, and a little too married to join a convent, those options can be safely crossed off the list too.

I guess I’ll just have to keep plugging away. But seriously, does life HAVE to be so complicated? Does EVERYONE live with this nagging sense of un-done-ness, of unrest, hanging over their heads? Or is this a function of my personality, a dissatisfaction with my own performance that keeps a fire burning under my soul until I reach some intangible bar that keeps moving farther and farther away?

Today, “peace” feels like a mirage, a cool, blue oasis hovering just out of reach above scorched sands. I walk toward it, every step burning my feet, but can never seem to get there.

Sheesh, I’m angsty lately! Sorry friends–you may have to bear with me for a little while. 🙁 I could just lie and be cheerful, but what’s the point of that? Nope, this blog is a place for honesty. I love my life, I love my friends, I love my family, and I absolutely have faith in the love, peace, provision and ultimate plan of God. But that “peace of Christ that transcends all understanding” hasn’t quite sunk into my soul yet.

Or maybe peace just isn’t what we make it out to be. Did Jesus feel peaceful in the garden, or on the cross? Doubt it. At least not the kind of peace modern Christianity, or even not-so-modern Christianity like the Anabaptists, advertises.