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Can I make a generalization?

Women sell themselves WAY short. To themselves, as well as others.

I remember the first time I wanted to teach a Bible study (and I use this term loosely) for adults. I was petrified.

I reasoned that surely someone else could do it better than me. (But nobody was offering to teach that specific subject.)

I agonized over whether I was really called to do it. (The fact that I was agonizing about it should have clued me in that yes, I really did need to take action. But even if I hadn’t been “called”–it’s just a six week study, girl! Chill out!)

It took me weeks to pluck up the courage to approach my pastor (who I have known my entire life, and who has always been very supportive of me) and suggest that I’d like to teach a study on a particular book. (He, of course, thought it was a great idea.)

And when I first got into that room filled with 12 of my good friends and acquaintances (intimidating, huh?), I stammered and shook through the first week (or two, or three) of the study.

The silliest thing about my over-the-top insecurity? I wasn’t a 21-year-old trying ministry on for size. This was two years ago.

Two years ago, people. After growing up in a ministry home. After being a pastor’s wife. After years of youth ministry experience, worship leading, and talking theology over coffee. It wasn’t like I was a complete newbie–just completely insecure.

I offer you this glimpse into my inner dialogue to illustrate some of the ways women sabotage themselves into silence and inaction. (Maybe men do that too–I don’t know. But I DO know it’s epidemic among women.) We second-guess ourselves. We make excuses. We try to hide behind other people (our kids, our husband, our friends, our incontinent cat, others who are “better” than us) or we get really, really busy. We make up excuses about why we can’t or shouldn’t do the things the Holy Spirit is calling us to do, because we’re terrified.

Why? Sometimes we legitimately have something to be afraid of, but in my experience, it’s usually a fear that we won’t measure up. That we’ll make mistakes. That we’ll fail. That we will make God look bad. That we will make OURSELVES look bad.

On the outside, it looks like humility. But on the inside, it’s PRIDE. We won’t put ourselves out there because we’re afraid that we will humiliate ourselves (or that someone else will do it for us).

Perhaps I’ll be charitable and say that for some, it’s a form of self-protection, not pride. Either way, it’s all about US.

This needs to stop. We need to get beyond ourselves, for Christ’s sake.

I’ll be teaching a study on “Half the Church” by Carolyn Custis James at my church, from January 24th-March 6th. (Hopefully this time I won’t hyperventilate.) As part of that, we are going to have Q&As with women who have overcome disempowering dialogues and gone “all in” to follow their callings, whether it’s teaching Good News Clubs at the local school or adopting kids from across the world, whether they’ve invested the majority of their lives in Africa as missionaries or invested their entire lives in loving people in their community. These are gutsy women (although many of them wouldn’t call themselves that), and I hope that these conversations will inspire us all to pluck up our courage and go “all in” too. Even when the thought is incredibly intimidating.

Here’s my question for you: What sort of questions would you like to ask these ladies? What would you like to know about their journeys, their experiences, their successes and setbacks? (And yes, I really need to know, since I am formulating questions to ask them.)

In return for your questions, I’ll try to share some of their stories on this blog.