A couple weeks ago, my husband Aaron surprised me with this beautiful post, which totally made me cry. I’ll let it speak for itself. 🙂

Coming to Christ

I came to Christ at age 17. With my new commitment came a deep appreciation of God’s forgiveness, love, and the closeness of His Spirit, as well as a supernatural passion to share that love with those around me.

I was not raised in the church. My Sunday school career ended at age 4, and I remembered basically nothing. My scattered church experiences were mostly confusing, and left me with little biblical knowledge. I never went to Bible camp, I didn’t know the songs kids sang at youth group, I had never been on a missions trip. All I knew at 17 was that I loved this Jesus who had come near to me, bound up my wounds, and was transforming me.

College

I was discipled through the ministry of InterVarsity Christian Fellowship at the University of Wisconsin-Superior. My mentor (to whom I am still deeply grateful), Steve Carlson, took the time to meet with a young man whose fervor often overstepped his experience and knowledge. I learned to walk a simple walk with Jesus, to love His word, and grow in it. To turn my eyes to those around me, and not wait until I was “more prepared” to share that simple faith God was growing in me.

But as I ventured into Christian life and culture, I ran into concepts I was not familiar with. As I perused the Christian bookstore, looking for nuggets of wisdom to help me grow in my faith, I became aware that many books held messages about what it was to be a “Christian man”. Books about marriage painted a picture of a strong, dominant male leader. Apparently, I was called by God to serve as the “head” of my wife.

As a young believer, it’s sometimes hard to articulate a cognitive dissonance with certain teachings, especially when you’re impressionable, humble, and open to the Spirit’s move in your life. I heard the book’s message, but didn’t give it a lot of thought because I wasn’t married at that point, and moved on with my life.

Meeting Jenny

I met Jenny during my junior year at UW-S (a year, I may add, where I was attempting to remain “single for the Lord”). I was crashing every university-orientation event that I could, in an attempt to meet new students and invite them to InterVarsity. That day my ferver had landed me in the Women’s Studies department ice cream social. I met a freshman there, and watched her become ensnared in a conversation with a much older female professor.

The topic turned to issues of faith. I watched this professor emphatically tried to convince this 18-year-old girl that an exclusive faith in Jesus was misplaced, blind, immature, ill-advised. As plurality poured out of her lips, I found myself wanting to set her straight, to assert that other people had a right to believe differently than she, to remind her that she was a professor at a public university, where she had to respect other people’s views as well. But it wasn’t my conversation to have.

Instead, I watched as the young lady listened. My compulsion was to enter the discussion and reassure her that her youthful faith was well-placed in the person of Jesus. I was in no way prepared for what happened next.

The professor paused, and this girl began sharing her faith without hesitation, respectfully calling the professor’s reasoning into question with a confidence that spoke of a deep trust in the person of Jesus. Most impressively to me, she did it with a genuine patience and kindness that I could never have managed in that situation. I saw Jesus reflected through her life that day, and out of my own love for Jesus grew this new love for the wonderful expression of who He was through her.

As for my commitment to remain “single for the Lord” that year, I didn’t quite make it. We married just shy of one year from that day.

So I came into our marriage with a deep respect not only for Jenny, but also for her rich life experience. As the daughter of Youth for Christ missionaries, she spent a large share of her childhood in Liberia, and was used to living out the Good News of Jesus Christ in her life and family. My experience was summed up by an older man in our denomination when he first met Jenny: “Wow, that wife of yours is 19 going on 40!” I laughed, but this has been my experience with Jenny.

This is not to brag about her, to elevate her or put her on a pedestal. But simply to help you understand what I saw, and continue to see as her husband. The undeniable God-given gift of wisdom, always tempered with more compassion and kindness than seems possible.

A Mutual Marriage

Growing up, both my father and my mother pursued their goals without apology. There was no gender hierarchy in their relationship, and I carried those expectations into my marriage, as well. But when Jenny and I got married, I remembered those books, and found myself questioning what my God-given role was in this relationship. I certainly didn’t want to neglect a role that my Lord had given me to do!

But as we found our legs in young married life, “leading” her just never seemed necessary. Not because I have a phlegmatic personality, or was lackadaisical, but because as we both followed Christ, we naturally found ourselves on the same paths. When God called me to serve in various ministry roles, Jenny’s support was early and complete, even though it meant moving away from her family. When we sensed God’s leading to make career changes for the sake of our ministry to our growing family, I never questioned that being God’s leading as well, even though it meant leaving a ministry position I loved.

I’ve known many people whose view of marriage does not square with mine. They would tell me that I should be the leader. They would tell me that Jenny is to submit to me, and believe it or not, I’ve even been told to “control my woman.” I sometimes wonder if those people want me to submit to their teaching so that Jenny will submit not only to me, but to them.

As for me, God made me an encourager. That’s my gift, and whether I use it to teach, disciple, or make music, that’s what I do. So for those who believe that wives should submit to their husband, that a husband should lead his wife, I’ll share my prayer and mandate for this precious woman, the one thing I ask her to submit to:

“Run! Use every gift that God has given you. Don’t hold back, don’t hesitate. In every moment, live with the freedom to fully exercise every God-given resource within you to glorify the Lord Jesus Christ in this world. Never fear my reprisal, hear my applause! Become the fullest expression of Christ’s love in this world that you can be. Shine in the darkness, and share everything that God has given to you for this world, to the glory of God.”

Aaron Armstrong served on staff at a variety of church and parachurch ministries before starting DeepWater Music, which equips musicians for service in the church and beyond. He has a passion for teaching, encouragement, and evangelism, and has trained thousands of musicians who have taken the gospel all around the world. He also happens to be The Most Handsome Man On The Face Of The Earth, according to Jenny and her grandmother, and you don’t want to argue with either of them. You can follow him on Twitter or Facebook.

Next week’s Equally Yoked post is from Sarah Bessey.

Want to contribute to the Equally Yoked series? Email Jenny at jennyraearmstrong@gmail.com.

Leave a comment for a chance to win Families Where Grace is In Place by Jeff VanVonderen. Winner announced March 1st!